Bitter Sweet Day

It’s days like today that are bitter sweet for me to  check my Facebook news feed.  It’s the first day of school and there are lots of posts about children all dressed up.  Lots of new outfits, backpacks, lunch boxes.  Some tears.  Lots of smiles.  Mommy’s are excited about hot coffee and quietness and teachers are well rested and ready to start the new school year. 

But for me, a women who so desperately wants to have a child of my own, it’s kind of bitter sweet.  I wish I had a first school day picture to post.  I wish I had a lunch to pack (well, besides my own), I wish I was late this morning to work so that I could walk my child into school.   I wish I had a child to hug and kiss on the forehead and tell them to have a great first day.  I wish that I could rush home to hear all about a child’s day. 

But I don’t. 

Today was just another Monday for me.  I got up, got ready for work and then sat at my desk all day.  Then I worked out in the fitness room and went home.  Nothing special happened. 

Yes, I got to have a hot cup of coffee this morning at the office and now I am enjoying a glass of wine (after I finish my glass of water first) as I sit outside and write.  It’s a beautiful day and the weather is perfect.   But deep down there is a yearning and something missing.   And to be honest, there are a few tears in my eyes. 

I know that my time will come.  There will be a day that I get to experience all of the “firsts” you have when you have a child.  I know that there will be a day when I get to fill my friends’ inboxes/phones/Facebook feeds with pictures.  There will be a day when I get to rejoice with all of my mommy friends and pray for my child’s teachers.  

But until that I day, I promise that I will be praying for all of your children and those in their lives.  I will be praying for great first days, I will be praying for safety, I will be praying for peace and quiet.  I will be praying for patience (yes, I know what teachers need most).   And most importantly, I will be praying for the child that I will one day have. 

I know that God has a plan.  I don’t know what that plan looks like and I don’t know his timing.  But until then, I am going to try my best to continue to be grateful for this time in my life and praying for yours.  

Wordless Wednesday or Winey Wednesday - You Pick

New Digs and New Kids at Summit Kids

So now I know how teachers feel at the start of the school year, especially those in new schools or new classrooms.  I was so excited to go to church yesterday, because this week was the great unveiling of the new kids space at The Summit Church.  I was giddy like a school girl and wide eyed like all of the kids.

We have been waiting for it all summer and let me tell you it was worth the wait.  I got a sneak peak at the space on Monday but it was not quite done yet and even though I was amazed at what I saw then, it was nothing like yesterday.

The entire wing is brand new.  The rooms, the chairs, the toys, the games, the cribs and even the changing tables.    I got to take the plastic off several items when I arrived.

And to top it all off, we also got brand new high tech kids worship rooms.

It will take me awhile to figure out how to use all of the equipment, the 2 minute lesson that I received yesterday was just to cover the basics.  I will even have a head set mic to use.

OMG!!!  (and that's gosh since I am talking about church)

It was really cool to be up on stage, with the lights, the big fancy screen, the sound system and as I sang and danced and worshiped with the kids,  I was in awe.

I am so thankful that my awesome church decided to invest so much in the children programs.  Children really are our future.  And I am very blessed to be serving them each week and hopefully instilling in their hearts the love and grace of Christ.

And as I send them back out into the world with their parents at the end of the hour, my prayer is that they take the Gospel to heart and come back next week so we can have fun all over again.

"Me Time"

So I have been really busy for a little over a month now.  Yes, summer is the busiest time of the year for me at work, but something else, or shall I say, someone else has been keeping me busy as well.  And most of this busyness was not expected.  I had it in my mind that I would be spending the majority of my summer by myself.  Or at least without the person that I desired the most.  But that ended up not being the case.

So I am assuming that most of you have figured out by now that B is now living full time in North Carolina.  He moved down here in late May quite suddenly.  The decision was made and two days later, he was here.  Yep.  Here.  In North Carolina.  In Durham.  WOW!!!

And even though my life was turned upside down in the process I could not be happier.

However, I have forgotten how much I enjoyed time to myself/down time or what I call "me time".   I had forgotten how much I had gotten used to the quiet.  I mean, I have spent the last 4 years living life on my own.  I had gotten used to doing what I wanted, when I wanted.  And had gotten used to no one else really caring what I did each day after work or on the weekends.  Now, yes I have dated since my divorce and I have had other people in my life but this time it is different.  Much different.

B has been spending all of his free time with me.  And yes I have loved every minute of it.  Why else was I so excited that he moved down here.  But something wasn't quite right.  Something had been bothering me and I didn't know what it was.  Until the other day.

B started a new job two weeks ago so he is now busy during the day and some nights.  Which means that he isn't always around.  And at first I was a little sad, but now that I have had some "me time" I have had a chance to remember how much I enjoy it.  How much I have been craving it but more importantly how much I have needed it.

Now don't get me wrong, I am so glad that B is here.  And I am so thankful that he wants to spend so much time with me.  We have gone to the park, the symphony, taken long walks, explored Durham, visited with family, met friends, cleaned, reorganized my townhouse, or shall I say, organized my townhouse.  I have taught him about beer (THANK YOU-- no more Budweiser) and we have played lots of games, both board games and Wii games.

And I have thoroughly enjoyed all of the cooking that he has done.  I mean come on, he made scallops and asparagus the other night.  And rubbed my feet after I had had a really rough day at work.

But the quiet alone time I have had has been priceless.  The quiet.  The time to write.  The time to watch what I want on TV.  The stillness.  The big glass of white wine (B isn't a fan of white wine-- that's okay, I will take what I can get.  At least there isn't any Bud in my house).  The me time.

I am sure that lots of my married friends and my mommy friends know what I am feeling and understand.  And for those of you that are single you are probably saying --What??  Quiet?  Alone Time?  That is crazy!  I have it a lot.  I am so over it.  I am tired of being alone.  Well. I thought the same too.  Until I didn't have it.

And now that I do.  I am good.  I am relaxed.  I am set.  And now I crave time with B.  I can't wait for him to get off of work.  I want to hear about his day.  I want to tell him about mine.  And I want him to rub my feet.  Haha.  Just kidding.  Well, maybe just a little.

But for once, I can tell him that if he is hungry, there are leftovers in the fridge from the dinner that I made myself.  Yep.  I cooked.  I cooked dinner on my own.  But don't be too impressed, it was one of those P.F. Chang's frozen bag meals.  All I did was pour it in the skillet and let it cook for about 12 minutes.  And then spread it over rice that I had cooked in the microwave.  Uncle Ben's microwave rice bags were made just for me.  Just saying.

But I did it.  I have had some me time.  I have spent time alone.  I have had the quiet.  I have had the stillness.  And it is all good.

I guess the moral of this post is to encourage everyone to take time out for themselves.  Yes, life is busy.  Yes, you have a family.  Yes, you have kids.  Yes, laundry needs to be done.  Yes, dinner needs to be cooked. Yes, that to do list is getting longer.  

But more importantly.  Stillness needs to be had.  That bath needs to be taken.  That glass of wine needs to be drunk.  And that quiet time needs to happen.

And if you need help getting this accomplished.  Just let me know.  I can babysit.  I can bring over take out (remember- I don't cook).   I can let you borrow movies, books, etc.  What ever tickles your fancy.  Just take time for you.

Your mind and your heart will be forever grateful.

Durham Foodie Tour - Stops 1, 2 and 3

So a couple of weeks ago, B and I decided that we were going to embark on a new adventure.... eating our way through Downtown Durham.  There have been all kinds of articles and write ups about the food scene in Durham.  Southern Living even named Durham, "The Tastiest Town in the South".   So we decided it was time to see it for ourselves.

We have explored the different areas of Downtown on foot.  We call it urban hiking.  We have mapped out the places that we want to try.  And we have started out on the adventure.

The first stop was:  Fishmongers Restaurant and Oyster Bar

Yep, a oyster bar in the middle of Downtown Durham, right on Main Street.  They also serve BBQ.  I know --- that is an interesting combination.  But it works.  I got the Fish and Chips and B got the Oyster Po-Boy.   We will probably have to go back when oysters are in season.  I am curious to see where they get their fresh oysters from.   But I know better then to eat them outside of months with "Rs".

They also have several good local beers on tap.

Prices are right.   Casual Atmosphere.  Paper Napkins.   Benches to sit on.  Not a fancy place at all.  Perfect place to grab lunch.

Our second stop was:  The Little Dipper

It is located in Brightleaf Square.   I took pictures on this stop.  It was date night and we were dressed to impress --- B even had on a tie.  We were celebrating and enjoyed our evening together cooking.

They offer a local "919 menu", meaning they have options for each course that are made with locally sourced farm ingredients.  Many of the options are seasonal so you can go multiple times and get to try different things.

Service was wonderful and the staff were very knowledgeable.  It was a little pricey, but well worth it.

Our Cheese Course-- made with local cheese from Chatham County

Main Course - the meats were local too

And you have to have dessert-- yep that's marsh mellow, chocolate and peanut butter melting together

Our third stop was: Tyler's Taproom 

Now, I will admit, I have been to Tyler's on multiple occasions, and it is one of my favorite places to eat in Downtown Durham.  But this was our first stop together for a meal.   We were downtown to check out some of the Minor League All Star game festivities and needed to eat.

We were able to snag a table outside.  B had the Pork Belly sandwich and I had the Old West burger.  Both with their homemade chips and of course a craft beer to wash it all down.

That's one of the best things about Tyler's.  The beer.  They have a separate book for you to look at just to pick a beer.  Love It.

Prices are reasonable.  Great outdoor seating.  Located in the heart of the American Tobacco Historic District.  Right there at the Durham Bulls stadium.  I know for sure that we will be back.

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We know that this adventure is going to take a while to complete.  We had no idea Durham had so much to offer --- there are quite a few restaurants to try.   But it is going to be a fun adventure.  Plus, there are all kinds of good beer to be had.   Who knows, B may never drink a Budweiser again.  At least that is my goal.

I will continue to report back and let you know what we think of our meals.   If you ever want to venture out with us, just let me know.