Paperwork Has Been Signed

The divorce paperwork was delivered on Saturday and today while at work, I signed it all.

I am thankful for the 3 women at work today who served as my notary and witnesses as I initialed the bottom of every page and signed the last page. I am blessed to work with these women who have been so supportive during this process.

One more step closer to the legal aspect of the whole process coming to an end.

Fresh Air

It is amazing how much better a big inhale of fresh air can make you feel. Today is such a beautiful day weather wise and I took to spending some time outside to enjoy it. I put on my sneakers, grabbed my iPod and set out on foot this morning. Taking deep breath after deep breath as I walked. It was nice to inhale air that wasn't bitterly cold.

Plus the sun felt good. I know that 62 really isn't that warm but it felt so nice to be able to be outside for a change. I wish that this weather would last, but it's winter in North Carolina and this is just a tease. But the timing is perfect.

Now that I am back inside, I even have the windows open and the fans on to try to get some of the fresh air inside. I tried to sit outside on my balcony, but it doesn't get any sun, so it was a little chilly since there is a slight breeze blowing. But I am sitting on the sofa beside the sliding glass doors that are open and can still appreciate the fresh air.

Fresh air, sun and a nice long walk. Great ingredients for making me want to live, laugh and love again.

What did you do today to enjoy the sunshine?

A Good Nights Sleep

I have figured out the best thing for being able to learn to live, laugh and love again.... it is a good nights sleep. I can't remember the last time that I slept through the night. But last night I did. I crawled into bed a little before 11 pm and did not wake up at all until my alarm went off at 7:05 this morning.

Now don't get me wrong, I have slept other nights, but usually I wake up every few hours and then I can usually fall back asleep. Most nights I toss and turn or wake up and just lay there or even have trouble actually falling asleep.

I don't know if it was the big glass of wine that I had before bedtime, or the new comfy and extra soft sheets on my bed, or the stuffed animal that I cuddle with. Not real sure what it was, but whatever occurred in my body or head it was nice.

I woke up feeling refreshed and ready to start another Monday and another week. So my focus now each night is trying to figure out how to make that all happen again.

Any ideas?

Quiet Time

It is important to sit and be quiet. To think and to listen to your heart. It is also okay to be alone. Quiet time is also good nap time, just in case you were wondering.

This afternoon was a time to be quiet. Not a bad use of a really cold Saturday afternoon. The sofa, a UNC blanket and two cats. To bad that I don't have a fireplace in my apartment. I think that I will add that to my list of wants when I start looking for my new place.

Turning Point

So all relationships have some sort of turning point, whether it is 11 years after they have started or 2 months into one. Turning points are needed. They are healthy, they foster change, the are good. However they may seem bad or scary at the time they occur but once the dust settles you realize that a change is happening or will happen. A turning point occurs with either something is said or an action takes place that makes you stop and think about what just happened. A turning point is a realization.

I have had a turning point this week. I think that it has a lot to do with the fact that the reality of what is going on in my life is starting to settle in. I think it has to do with the fact that I am starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. The train is coming around the turn and daylight is there.

One night I am curled up sleeping with one stuffed animal and the next night I am placing that one in box and curling up with another one. One night there is hope, the next night there is the reality that change is happening. One night there is love and the next night there is the need to let go. One night there are kind thoughts, the next night there is frustration. One night there is a build up of emotions, the next night they are all released. One night there is a smile, the next night tears. One night there is love, the next night it starts to fade.

But most importantly, the night becomes a day and the day brings on a turning point. A change takes place. Things happen.

I hope to continue to have more turning points whether good or bad. Change is good.

And then reality hits

So I went from joy to sadness in the matter of hours. I am joyful that my house is sold and that I will soon have my portion of the equity out of it. But the reality of what it means when the house that I picked out to live in for what I thought would be years now belongs to someone else hurts. It hurts to think that someone else will be enjoying the front balcony off of the bedroom at night. That someone else will be cooking in the kitchen maybe while someone else watches them. That someone else may be making plans to paint over the walls that I worked so hard to paint. That someone else will be filling it with love.

It is also a sign that the legal and official end of my marriage is very near. It won't be long now until I sign the final documents that will basically end my relationship with my best friend for the past 11 years. It won't be long now until my new life legally gets to start.

And it is now that the reality of it all starts to hit. So even though today is a good day, it is also a sad night. I am going to sit here and cry and put the living, laughing and loving on hold for the evening and allow myself to grieve.

House is Sold in Florida!

As of this afternoon, I am no longer a homeowner in Orlando, Florida. The documents have been signed and money has changed hands, well technically bank accounts. One step closer to being able to finalize the next step in the divorce process.

I thought it was only appropriate that today while my house in Florida was changing hands, I was lending a hand with the construction of a house for a family in need. I spent the day with about 20 of my co-workers working on a Habitat for Humanity house in Durham. I learned how to wrap a house and then hang siding. I even learned how to cut siding. Using power tools was fun and exciting and I didn't hurt myself.

Overall, it was great day and a wonderful start to a long weekend.

Laundry Night

Tonight is laundry night. One nice thing about only having one person's clothes to wash is that it doesn't take as long. Two loads-- light and dark. And they are small loads, so I can wash with less water and they take a shorter amount of time to dry. Plus since I am only doing my clothes, if they sit in the laundry basket clean for a few days, no one is going to complain. If I need something, I know where to find it.

Interesting thought. Never knew that doing laundry would be so enlightening. Gives me more time to live a little.

One Night Getaway

On Friday, I ventured over to Winston-Salem, NC to have dinner with three of my friends. Then I joined one of them at the Old Winston Social Club to check out this awesome band called Big Daddy Love. I highly recommend both the venue and the band.

Saturday consisted of sleeping in, breakfast for lunch, some Tarheel basketball watching and a quick stop at the outlets on the way home. I had a $20 off coupon for Ann Taylor Loft and scored a pair of jeans and a sweater for a total of $12. I love me some retail therapy.

It was fun to get out of town even if it was just for one night. It was also fun to let loose, have a few beers and dance the night away. I guess that is one way to learn how to live again.

Wine and Bad Days

Yesterday I had a really bad day. It wasn't because of learning how to live, laugh and love again, but because of work. And the situation wasn't even my fault. I had done nothing wrong and was just doing my job. Unfortunately, the people that I was dealing with didn't like my answer and were not listening or allowing me to communicate effectively.

The whole incident made me think about how important it is to listen. There are always two sides to every story. If the other people involved with the situation had just been quiet long enough to listen to me and allow me explain the rationale behind my decision or the direction that needed to be taken, then the whole series of phone calls and emails would not have been necessary. The yelling and frustration that resulted out of the exchanges could have been avoided as well.

There are times when it is difficult to listen and you just want to talk, but there are times that you just need to be quiet. It is particular hard to listen when you don't like what is being said. But it is in those times that listening is most important. Listening means being patient. Listening means being attentive. Listening can also help you accept an answer or statement. Acceptance can lead to satisfaction which can lead to happiness which can lead to love.

So I guess my bad day kind of does have something to do with learning how to live, laugh and love again.

And when all else fails, take the beating, go home, open a bottle of wine and then everything won't feel so bad.

Therapy Session

So I am not ashamed to admit that I have been seeing a therapist for the past 8 months. When my life started to crumble, a dear friend recommended that I seek out help from a mental health professional. I wasn't so sure about it at first, but I am so thankful that I did. Having someone look at me from the outside in was so beneficial. It also allowed me to be honest with not only myself but someone else who I knew would never judge me. My therapist has also been a sounding board when it came to decisions that had to be made and tough love and guidance that needed to be dished out. She was someone who could be neutral and honest.

I am grateful for the therapist that I started seeing while still in Florida and still "see" via phone while now living in North Carolina. Tonight I had one of my phone sessions. We talked about moving forward and the new year. It was very reassuring to know that my life is now on the right track and to think about how far I have come as a person since last summer.

I would recommend to anyone who is going through a rough patch in their lives to seek out a trained professional. You will be amazed as to what you may learn about yourself and your life.

Who is in your community?

So today at church the sermon was about community. It got me thinking about who is in my community. I think about my Facebook friends as a community, my blog followers as a community, my co-workers as a community, my friends as a community and my family as a community. Some of these communities overlap each other, some do not.

This is how wikipedia defines a community: In biological terms, a community is a group of interacting organisms sharing a populated environment. In human communities, intent, belief, resources, preferences, needs, risks and a number of other conditions may be present and common, affecting the identity of the participants and their degree of cohesiveness.

Webster's defines community as: a unified body of individuals, the people with common interests living in a particular area; an interacting population of various kinds of individuals (as species) in a common location.

I have decided that I will define my community as my friends, family and co-workers who love me, care about me, pray for me and support me. My community is the people in my life who have helped me get through the difficult times and celebrate with me during the good times. My community spans across several states and even oceans. My community is something that I treasure and feel so blessed to be a part of. If you are reading this, more than likely, I value you as a member of my community.

New Year, New Day, New Life

Welcome 2011! Wow, I am glad that 2010 is over. I am usually not one who wants to forget a year or forget the past, but 2010 is a year that I want to forget. Well, at least most of it anyways. Don't get me wrong, I have some fond memories of 2010, but for the most part, it was a year full of hurt, pain, and disappointment.

I am so ready for a new beginning and a fresh start and the timing of the start of a new year could not be more perfect. For me, the start of the new year already means so much and it is only day one. I hope that the new year brings new adventures, new friends, new memories and new love.

The end of 2010 brought about a lot of changes that help me get a head start with my new adventure in life. A new job, a move back to North Carolina, a new apartment and new friends. And now with the start of a new year the changes will continue.

I don't want to make any resolutions, but I do want to say that I am looking forward to what the new year will bring. I hope to continue to learn how to live, laugh and love all over again.