Keys to Homeownership

So on Thursday, May 26th, I closed on my new home. Now the fun part begins.....

My Keys

You can't tell, but the builder's logo is imprinted on the keys.

The Goody Bag from the builder as my "Welcome Home" gift

The bag is full of all of the things you need when you first move into a house.

And yes, that is toilet paper.

Camp Day

Today was Camp Day at work. I am sure many of you are wondering why an insurance company would have Camp Day. Well, since we are one of the largest insurers of YMCAs, Jewish Community Centers and residential camps, we have camp day. It is basically a day to get us all pumped up and ready for our busiest time of the year. We all wore our shorts, t-shirts and sneakers and gathered today outside our building for morning assembly. I think that the other tenants in the building thought we were all nuts.

We sang songs, played games, heard about several of the different programs our camps are hosting this summer, etc. It was a fun time to spend with my co-workers acting like fools and laughing.

However, for me it brought up a lot of emotions. Twelve years ago (about this time in May), I met Jason while working at a camp. I remember the first few times I spent with him, whether it was sitting on the porch in a rocking chair talking, playing tennis together, or watching him run after a camper on the front lawn. Or even the night he made me dinner after hours because I didn't get a chance to eat that night or the times that we would share overflow table duty and joke that one day that was what our kitchen table may look like. We had a lot of fun that summer getting to know each other and then continued our relationship and grew together even more. We have camp to thank for bringing our lives together.

And I am very thankful for that time at camp and for the opportunity to meet Jason and fall in love with him. I don't regret any of those times or the choices that I made. And I am still very thankful that even though I told a friend that there was no potential in the room after the first staff meeting, I was able to meet a great guy who I would eventually become best friends with and marry.

It is just sad to know that the person that I thought that I would spend the rest of my life with is no longer a part of my life. I miss my best friend. I miss my husband. I am sad to think about the fact that there will be no more memories. No more camp like moments. It is hard to think that this will be the first summer in 12 years that he isn't a part of my life.

It was fun to smile, laugh and share stories about my days as a camp counselor today. But it is also sad as I think about the memories. I know that it is okay to be sad. It is all a part of the grieving process. Letting the emotions out is good.

So today, even though I did some laughing, I am going to do a little crying too. But don't worry, it is all a part of learning to live, laugh and love again.

Townhouse is Finished!!

So I am not one to brag (at least not very often), but I have one awesome fridge in my new place. The stove is pretty cool too.

All of the appliances are now installed as well as everything else, except for the glass shower doors in the master bath. I have been told that they are the last thing to be installed so that they aren't broken. After that, the only thing left to do is for the builder to give the place a really good cleaning (there is a layer of dust on EVERYTHING and for me to create the pre-closing punch list. The appraisal has been completed so the lender has now given me the final clear to close. The closing date is set for May 26th.

It won't be much longer now until I am an homeowner. I think that I am just a little excited. I guess this means that I need to do a little more packing.

Emotional Ups and Downs

So this past week was one of those weeks when my emotions were up and down all week long. I can't really put my finger on any one thing that triggered it all. I think it was a combination of reality checks, turning points and new experiences. However, I allowed myself to work through it all but I know that I still have a long road ahead of me.

I have been using other things in my life to help distract me and I will continue to do that when needed. But I know that there are and will be times that I need to just let the emotions take over me.

It is all a part of the grieving process and really learning how to start all over again. I know that the emotions and thoughts that I am having are perfectly normal and that with time I will continue to heal and transform into the person that I want to be.

As I continue to move forward I have a few things that I want to share with everyone.

I know that my faith and trust in God is one of the many factors that have helped me get through this difficult time in my life. However, I know that it is not only my hope but the prayers of my loved ones that have helped as well. I know that I still need God's help and I have several aspects of my life that come to mind that still need to be worked out.

First, I need continued healing of my heart over the loss of Jason. I am still grieving him. We have wrapped up all of the proceedings and paperwork that were needed for the divorce, house, taxes, vehicles etc. So there is no need for me to communicate ever with him again. I need the strength to let him go and not allow him or have the desire for him to be a part of my life anymore. (This is a decision that I have made with my therapist- at least for the short term I don't need to have any contact with Jason- it is for the best)

2. I need guidance on how to allow myself to be open to new relationships and new types of relationships with guys. I need to understand that just because a guy takes notice and cares, doesn’t mean that he loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me.

3. I need patience while I wait to see what God has in store for me.

4. I need strength to allow myself to have fun, a desire try new things, ability and desire to meet new people and take one day at a time.

Please join me in seeking out God's will in my new life as well as the lives of those around me. Together, I know that God will help me learn how to live, laugh and love again.

And the Packing Begins.....

And so it begins...... 26 days and counting until I am a "homeowner". I went by the town house yesterday and checked to see how the construction is progressing. They are starting to put the finishing touches on it, like the carpet, fixtures, faucets, mirrors, shelving, etc. The power is also connected and working and the water is now flowing.

Hopefully the packing won't be over whelming, since I never really unpacked everything when I moved into the apartment. But I got a jump start this afternoon with packing up the non essentials, like books, small pictures, and decorative stuff. I am also working on my goodwill pile. That is what the bags are at the end of the row.

Here are the new pictures: http://gallery.me.com/gwendolyn.howes#100060

Closing is set for May 26th and the movers are scheduled for June 4th. If you want to come help with the packing, painting or moving, just let me know.